Enough.

I can't get enough.

So I clench to the breath,

That penetrated my skin.

But it's not enough.

No memory can compare.

To when your body and your mind,

Intensely wrap themselves in mine.

I'll never get enough.

And it suits me to the bone.

I like that I long,

Because I know you'll be back soon.

(photograph by Damon Loble)

Entwined in Vines.

I find myself entwined.

By paralysing guilt.

But you can wrap me in these vines,

Before I'll lie to myself.

Control.

My dear,

You were a stepping stone.

Now your memories,

Are one long drone.

Resonant swells,

In the back of my mind.

And I hope they will all,

Fade in time.

But I don't control it.

I'm a sucker for the signs,

In the way the sun sets.

I was never superstitious,

But I don't want regrets.

So here I am,

Trying to justify.

Why I would go,

And leave you behind.

But I don't control it.

Second glance.

If you fuel my thoughts,

I will shine bright for you.

If you wear me thin,

I will run right on through.

If I hand you a chance,

Will you know how to use it?

If you take a second glance,

Then I'll know you'll just abuse it.

Dream.

Last night I had one of those bizarre heavy dreams

about a friend that passed away over a year ago.

I tried to write something about it just to savour it,

I doubt I did it justice but here it is anyhow...

The forest branches were leaning towards the house that day. Trying to get a glimpse through the window to see what was causing so much contagious tension inside. Six confused souls had their eyes locked on that seventeen-year-old boy that time had not touched. He was still wearing that olive green shirt and that trademark mischievous smirk. And just like always, he was oblivious.

I recall admiring him for his blissful ignorance to the evils of the world. Now he was oblivious to his own death that lingered in the room. Old wounds gushed open as we all became aware at just how much we missed his warming presence. Then the penetrating shots of guilt proceeded as we simultaneously realised that we hadn’t fought hard enough to prevent him from slipping from our conscious thoughts. We let the guilt well in our eyes then just listened to him talk. The soothing drone of his voice broke us all.

He sat cross-legged whilst we crowded around him. Like a symbol of innocence our thoughts reverted back to our adolescent gatherings, our ridiculous drinking games, our insignificant dramas. I laid down beside him, breathing deeply and staring at the ceiling in attempt to hold myself together. He looked down to where I lay, gazing directly into my eyes with confusion appearing on his face.

“Are you okay?”. Knowing that I would’ve choked on my words I responded with a forced smile. He reached to touch my hair and sent unbearable chills raging through my body. I was being comforted by a selfless soul, a lifeless ghost.

Small talk had never seemed so valuable. We threw questions back and forth and tried to keep our responses to his short, just to listen to his voice a little longer. Expectedly the moment reached a point where he decided he had to go. His facial expressions revealed that he didn’t know why he had to go, but that he simply must leave. A segment of time that seemed to be painfully drawn out now seemed to have ended so quickly. We watched as he let his intrinsic thought lead him out the door and follow the path from the back of the house. His olive green shirt was slowly being consumed by the surrounding greenery as the distance between the house and he grew. Our eyes were fixated as the earth ate him whole.

Tears uncontrollably flooded. The more I tried to fight them, the more they cascaded down my face. Those in arms length gripped each other. The awe of disbelief and rekindled sorrow was nothing short of suffocating. From the shoulder of a friends embrace I saw another through a window, sitting lonesome on an isolated bench. In a clumsy mess I stumbled through who was left in the room, out the door and started impulsively running. His elbows were leaning on his knees with his head focussed on the grass below. He knew I was running towards him but didn’t look up. I collapsed beside him on the bench seat. His arms wrapped around me and lifted me up as if I were a heap of dirty clothes.

“I don’t understand…” I muttered into his oversized mismatched jumper.

“He came to say goodbye. That’s all we need to know.”

Nerves.

'Do as you will'

Were his final four words.

Just wait for the kill,

Then we'll settle those nerves.

Glowing.

The sky is glowing pink,

And I can't help but think,

Where are you now?

Where are you...

I'll be driving 'til dark,

Wondering if I left a mark.

Do you think of me?

Think of me...

(photograph by Hana Haley)

Blue.

I don't know where I'm going,

Though I wouldn't tell you if I knew.

If you want me then you'll find me,

I'll hold my breath 'til I'm blue.

(photograph by Corwin Prescott)

So low.

I never thought I could.

And dreaded that I would.

But hate is on my tongue,

Burning gaping holes.

My words are becoming blurred,

From eating poison words.

But soon I'll let it go...

I refuse to stoop so low.

(artwork by Sophie Jodoin)

Waves.

I keep hoping,

That something...somewhere...

Will strike a light,

In that precious mind of yours.

You'll realise what's missing,

Find your way back

And drown in waves of sheets,

With me.

(artwork by Chloe Early)

Secrets.

It gets me every time.

The way you bite your lip.

As soon as I tell you.

To keep me secret safe.

The Choke

My limbs are never weaker,

Than when your hand grips my throat.

You press your lips on the back of my neck,

And just wait for me to melt.

Zero.

I'm out of words lately.

Been worn thin.

So why try and say something

When someone else has said it perfectly before...

"Emptiness is loneliness,

and loneliness is cleanliness

and cleanliness is godliness,

and god is empty just like me

Intoxicated with the madness,

I'm in love with my sadness"

- 'Zero' Smashing Pumpkins.

Saving grace.

 

Once I had a saving grace,

Who taught me how to stand.

You couldn’t help me,

So he gave me his hand.

We danced for a while,

And embraced the sweet escape.

We danced for a while,

Then I was locked outside the gate.

 

 

Just like this.

 

If I get my way,

Then I wont fight it.

I can’t hide,

This is how I like it.

 

Mind-raper.

 

 

Mind-raper.

 

Fool-taker.

 

Don't leave me,

 

For dead.

 

(Edita Vilkeviciute)

Intoxicated.

 

If I said,

“I am intoxicated.”

It would be

An understatement.

I am oversensitive,

With my flesh on fire.

Absorbing the intensity

Of every touch.

 

(photograph by Solve Sundsbo)

Upside down.

 

Everything

Is upside down.

And I can’t help but think…

This is how it should be.

 

(photograph by Toby Burrows)

Appetite.

 

You have an appetite,

That everyone wants to feed.

You intrigue with allure,

Until they’re trapped fueling your greed.

I used to try and fight it,

I’d play hot and cold.

But you always won in the end,

Praying on those vulnerable to your hold.

 

 

(photograph by Amat Amas Amo)

String of words.

 

You threw yourself out of the blue.

And stood before me like the distraction I so desperately needed.

I’ll never understand just how you know,

All the ways to overwhelm my mind…

With a simple string of words.

 

Stumbling.

 

And just like always,

The plot thickens.

To a point of a blindness.

Where I’m left stumbling in the dark.

 

Sinking.

 

You left me,

Sinking

Down a wall.

When I

Never,

Needed you more.

 

And there’s

No way

In hell,

That I’ll

Ever

Forgive you.

 

 

(photograph by Dylan Forsberg)

The great fight

 

My skin has been stained,

With the scent of winter nights.

Another haunting reminder,

Of losing the great fight.

 

 

The edge.

 

How close are you,

To slipping off the edge?

I must admit,

The suspense is killing me.

 

(photograph by Ryan Kitching, if you haven’t already check out his 365 project at www.flickr.com/photos/parishitler)

Couldn’t.

 

There’s a life out there,

That is honest

That is sweet.

But I couldn’t tell you that,

And leave you in defeat.

(photograph by May Lin Le Goff)